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I wrote the ‘WTF’ piece for Providence Daily Dose that was, I understand, an early factor in defining and directing the vector of responce to a Rhode Island Tim Hortons’ franchise sponsoring NOM-RI’s ‘Marriage and Family Day,’ an essentially anti-gay event primarily driven and sponsored by conservative Catholics here.

At the time I wrote it, PDD was little read outside the city, and most of what readership we had consisted of people who like to party on weekends. I’d been a longtime gay advocate, which obviously made me an opponent of NOM in all its forms, but I was also a fan of Tim Hortons. So when I got the tip from activist Paul Auger, I — there’s no other good word for it — reacted. I’ve been a writer and editor for years, and it was all too easy for me to sit down and vent my spleen over it.

While it might not be obvious, my main impetus was my great disappointment in Tim’s. I knew it had to be some kind of mistake, and in context of Tim’s history in Rhode Island did not have to do with the parent company. Tim’s got its foothold here when Wendy’s took over 36 units of a failed regional coffee and donut chain, Bess Eaton. I can’t know for certain, but I think it’s likely that a lot of people from Bess Eaton transferred over, carrying with them the native ignorance and casual bigotry that’s characteristic of the state’s mainstream culture. NOM-RI is headquartered at a building in downtown Providence that until last week was also home to a Tim’s franchise. While the company remains mum, we think it’s most likely that these guys knew each other, possibly as far back as the Bess Eaton conversion: NOM-RI Advisory Board member Scott Spear, a partner in Providence law firm Blish & Cavanagh, also a sponsor of NOM-RI’s event, was formerly agent for the charitable Bess Eaton Foundation. NOM-RI’s Executive Director, Christopher Plante, said the event was Spear’s “brainchild”.

What I want to make clear at this point is that at the time I wrote the piece, Tim’s was already having problems in Rhode Island that I attributed to a combination of naive ignorance and casual arrogance about doing business in this market. The NOM-RI event sponsorship was the final straw, and a mighty big one. But also at the time, most of my readers were people I already knew, or who at least knew who I was around town, and I did not expect this to go beyond the city’s limits, or even for anyone to read it before Sunday morning.

What changed that is that shortly after posting the piece, I sent a courtesy link to Paul. Paul knew where to send it from there, and did. I had no idea it was already halfway around the world by the time I was 100 miles away, until someone from PDD contacted me in Connecticut early Monday morning telling me that Canadian media wanted to talk to me. I spent that morning on the phone, piecing it together from what they were telling me, and trying not to freak out about it. It turned out to be the most-read piece ever for our site, and the volume of responce nearly crashed it.

It was not my intention to embarrass the company generally, only to motivate a handful of Rhode Islanders to contact the company. I figured that once HQ was alerted, something would be done, and it was, in very short order.

Yes, I could have called them myself. So could Paul. But given the fantastic stupidity of this move — a proudly and famously gay-friendly brand lets its name be used in an event by one of the country’s most vigourously anti-gay groups (NOM was the main force behind California’s Prop — a stronger message had to be delivered. I just didn’t ever imagine that it could possibly get out of hand the way it did. (If I had, I would have used more grown-up language.)

I agree with your general ethical arguments, but there’s more to this than what you lay out. My visible thesis in the piece is that if Tim Hortons takes their gay-friendly policy seriously, if they really want to be a true friend to gay people, then they need to maintain tighter control over their franchisees. Most of my expected readers already understood this in larger context: Rhode Islanders had already seen what Tim Hortons thought of us. Stores were run inconsistenty, often sloppily. Service was spotty, sometimes rude, often dismissive. They were slow, disorganised, and sometimes snotty. Their prices weren’t competitive. They did not carry iced coffee, a Rhode Island staple — for three years. (The year before, immediately after crossing the border into Canada, I was arrogantly rebuked for ordering one: “We don’t DO that here!” — As if I was some kind of shithead for asking. Mind you, this was literally within sight of a Dunkin Donuts on the other side.) I’d already written and called the Moncton office (since it was obvious the Rhode Island office wasn’t doing their job), and never got a responce, or saw any changes. Seeing their name on that brochure, though I knew it was a mistake, was just the latest and by far biggest blunder. To say I was ready to go off on them is putting it mildly.

And yet, my piece is really that of a ex-girlfriend. Tim’s didn’t piss me off so much as break my heart. By Monday morning, I found that many others felt the same.

From the very beginning, I’ve considered a darker alternative theory about what happened: NOM-RI is a local ‘chapter’ (really just a registered lobby, not an NPO) of the national group. Executive Director Christopher Plante is a lawyer and paid lobbyist. It’s his job to promote NOM’s goals in this state. Canada is famously gay friendly. Tim Hortons is famously gay friendly. Tim’s is, right or wrong, a source of price for many Canadians, who, right or wrong (I would say mistakenly) considered their sudden entry into Southeastern New England (36 stores practically overnight) as a projection of Canadian culture and values. NOM-RI had to be aware of this; they couldn’t possibly be that ignorant. But they probably knew that most local Tim’s were owned and run by traditional Rhode Islanders, not Canadians, that it’s a long way from Moncton and even longer from Toronto, and it was obvious to everyone that HQ had little clue how their stores were being run here.

More: NOM is closely associated with many conservative American groups who quietly despise (and often publicly rebuke) Canadian ways. Many of us believe that U.S. border rules enacted during the Bush II administration were done partly to punish Canada for its liberalism. (At the time, most recently on its plan to relax marijuana laws. The fact that these ’security’ rules about petty drugs went into effect LONG after other rules supposedly enacted for security shortly after 9/11 seems suspect.)

When you add it up, NOM-RI had the motive, means, and opportunity to take Tim’s for a ride, embarrass them publicly, and get some free publicity for themselves — and all on OUR dime, off the sweat of OUR efforts.

I think there’s some evidence for this, especially in how Plante handled the fallout. Not once did he excuse or vindicate Tim’s, not once did he explain what actually happened (and it’s impossible that he doesn’t know), and not once did he or NOM-RI accept any blame whatsoever. They let Tim’s twist in the wind, blamed it all on us, and took every opportunity to make as much hay of it as possible. Perhaps the strongest evidence of all is that to this day, the image of the event brochure with Tim Hortons’ name on it is still online, almost as if to taunt them (and us).

I think this is likely what actually happened. If so, then we played right into their hands. Mr. Plante leveraged our reactionary anger, my talents, and Paul’s contacts, to his clients’ gain. Brilliantly played.

In that scendario, yes, I do feel like a jerk, and I’m sorry. Not sorry for Tim’s: They really did mess up, and legitimately deserved what they got, as far as I’m concerned. I appreciate their quick action and apology, but I’ve worked for companies like that (as most of us have), and it’s easy for me to see how lax they had to be for this to happen. They learned an important lesson, and so did a lot of loyal gay customers of every business purporting to be gay friendly. But I’m sorry that I fed the monster, that I gave NOM-RI free publicity, LOTS of it.

Tim Hortons is gone from Rhode Island now, but NOM-RI remains and we still do not have marriage equality. What has changed is that hopefully, we’re all a little wiser now. NOM-RI won’t be able to play that card again, which I like to think might cramp their style. Prospective sponsors will more carefully vet sponsorship requests, perhaps try using Google next time. (Or read their corporate operations manuals. I did read Tim’s, and the franchisee has no excuse.) I learned that though most of what I do online is mouse farts, an occasional elephant fart escapes, and it can embarrass more than just me.