Some simple, moving words from Andrew Sullivan, in response to the National Review’s Rich Lowry:
Rich says that it’s no big deal to live hiding one’s sexual orientation. If you’re straight, try it for one day.
Try never mentioning your spouse, your family, your home, your girlfriend or boyfriend to anyone you know or work with – just for one day. Take that photo off your desk at work, change the pronoun you use for your spouse to the opposite gender, guard everything you might say or do so that no one could know you’re straight, shut the door in your office if you have a personal conversation if it might come up.
Try it. Now imagine doing it for a lifetime. It’s crippling; it warps your mind; it destroys your self-esteem.
Lowry talked about this in the context of a debate with Ana Marie Cox about Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.
Although Ana and Andrew rightly aim at Lowry’s “if they just didn’t talk about it” point, it’s important to look at the view that Lowry holds on the purpose of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. He told Ana, “It was just to ensure that they served with a quiet dignity in keeping with military standards and professionalism.”
A law mandating forced silence about one’s sexual orientation — with penalties if a soldier failed to stay silent — was the only way to ensure gays and lesbians would serve with “quiet dignity” and “professionalism.”
Although Ana got Rich to say that he “would agree on repealing that law” insofar as it allows for investigations of servicemembers’ sexual orientation, it’s striking that Lowry would hold the view that a charitable interpretation of the law is that it was the only way to ensure that lesbian and gay soldiers would serve with dignity.
If he disagreed with that purpose, he would have been saying to repeal the law from the start of the conversation. But he didn’t. At that point in the conversation, he was basically making the “the law’s fine, it’s the implementation that’s been bad” argument.
So, thanks to Ana and Andrew for calling out Lowry on the simplistic notion that hiding your sexual orientation is simple, but Lowry also should be held to account for his view that the law was needed to keep gays in the military acting professionally.
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I’m straight, love my husband, love my kids.
I’d always thought I was pretty ‘forward-thinking’, but it wasn’t until I was engaged 17 years ago that it really dawned on me what it must be like to have to hide so much of the joyful parts of your life.
It would rip me apart inside. The fact that so many of my gay and lesbian friends have been able to deal with this garbage astounds me, I admire their courage.
At 49 I don’t really want time to speed up, but I wish it were a generation from now so that our KIDS, who seem to get this, could be making (and repealing) the laws in a more empathetic and intelligent way.
If the reason for DADT is to ensure gays and lesbians serve with “quiet dignity” and “professionalism,” doesn’t it follow that self-proclaimed straight soldiers are undignified and unprofessional?